Love has been stolen from us

We are claiming it back from the novel place – different from romance, yet meaningful, secure, and fulfilling.

What comes to mind first when you hear the word “love”? Is that an image of a romantic partnership, a couple, or maybe a nuclear family? The very society and culture we live in conditioned us in a certain way that promotes rigid ideas of how “love” should look. We want to explore beyond that and focus “Art to Connect” on what’s possible in that realm.

Love is a practice

“To begin by always thinking of love as an action rather than a feeling is one way in which anyone using the word in this manner automatically assumes accountability and responsibility. Love is as love does. Love is an act of will—namely, both an intention and an action.” — bell hooks

If love is as love does, then there’s no exclusively reserved right for romance above other settings to practice it. In particular, friendships.

An individualistic lifestyle we live these days robs us of chances to create and practice meaningful connections, and Hollywood ideals feed us a fake illusion of meeting that One single person who would magically give us everything we had ever wanted in life from ourselves, our parents, and the world around us.

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That is how, in search of love, we often overlook the connections beyond romantic ones.

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Our mental models are distorted by the society that has taught us to see romantic love as paramount.

This is not to criticize the wish or presence of romantic connections. We all want to be loved, and it is powerful to admit this desire. The problem starts when we think this is the only type of relationship that can fulfill us. When we project all our needs and wants onto one person, who is supposed to fit the role of an ideal romantic partner. No wonder it falls apart so often. How can a single person carry out what used to be spread over the whole community?

Yet, it’s not the only option.

Communal joy & relational healing

We are lonely because we lack the skills to build exciting relationships. Yes, it is a skill. One that requires practice. Friendship and the community of choice offer a safe container for that practice. And practice creates capacity – to love, grow together, share joys and sorrows, and celebrate each other and life itself.

We are Vlad and Madina. We are two friends whose connection, along with other meaningful relationships in our lives, has healed many parts of us and continues to support our growth. Through both lived experience and professional expertise, we have witnessed how deep, intentional connection can transform not just relationships but our entire sense of self.

When we met, we carried a lifetime of conditioning about relationships and expectations, many of which, we realized, felt unfulfilling. In our pursuit of deeper, more meaningful, and lasting connections, we redefined what connection meant in practice, turning it into a shared exploration.

By Madina

I’ve always known the answer lies in connection. Ever since I was a child, as I walked into spaces, I always felt an underlying loneliness, a sense of otherness. Yet, despite the lack of evidence, I never abandoned my faith that love was the answer, that it was worth seeking.

I have experienced a vast spectrum of love and relationships. Oh, I got love stories for days: about my crushes, love affairs, heartbreaks, passionate adventures, and long-term commitments! Still, I kept asking myself: with all the love I had experienced, why hadn’t I found true contentment in connection? Apparently, I had been searching in the wrong places.

When I met Vlad, I thought I knew everything about connection: how to welcome, nurture, and sustain it. I had built a network of extraordinary people around me. The second time we spoke that evening, I offhandedly said, “I am friend-saturated, but I guess there’s always space for one more person,” and instantly regretted it. I wasn’t looking for another deep connection. I didn’t think I had the capacity for one. Little did I know this mysterious person in a fancy black outfit would completely reshape my understanding of relationships within a year.

As our friendship deepened, something unexpected happened. My perception of myself, of him, and of relationships as a whole began to shift through the conscious effort we both invested in our connection. We had each done our inner work before meeting, which gave us the freedom to approach our relationship with consistency and intention. For the first time, I was building a friendship with the same care and dedication typically reserved for romantic partnerships rather than simply letting it unfold as friendships often do.

We de-centered romantic relationships and prioritized our connections with ourselves, our friendships, and our communities. This did not only bring us more confidence, joy and a sense of true companionship but also - paradoxically - improved the quality of our dating lives in ways we had never imagined possible.

By Vlad

The single most important thing that defines the quality of your life is the quality of your connections, as proven by psychologists, who have spent decades studying the impact of relationships on well-being. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies on happiness, confirms that the strongest predictor of a fulfilling life isn’t money or success—it’s the depth of our relationships (Waldinger & Schulz, 2016). Strong connections don’t just feel good; they shape our resilience, our health, and even our longevity.

Why yet another Substack?

Because there are so many out there about romantic love, and barely any of them highlight the importance, healing power, and joy of other forms of relationships. Because if you are reading this, probably the other ones haven’t (fully) worked for you. And it’s not your fault - here we will show you why.

This is a project about meaningful connections in a modern world, brought to you by Vlad and Madina. Our (experience of an) intentional friendship taught us how healing, growth, and personal development occur in connection. We are starting a dialogue about what makes live-affirming connections beyond the romantic ones, and we are inviting you to the conversation.

We want to inspire (more) people to re-think their approach to connections by offering practical tools for (self-)reflection, exploration and communication, alongside research findings and our lived experience, to lead more fulfilling, loving and joyous lives of our choice.

Subscribe. Let’s connect better!

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